Keeping up

Everyone knows that keeping up with life isn’t always easy.

My world has been complicated by all sorts of things, but the one thing I didn’t expect is HOW COVID affected me. I did get COVID, but that wasn’t an issue. It was a mild case and I had my vaccine boosters. I got over it pretty quick. No one in my family died because of the virus. I didn’t mind wearing the masks. In fact, I started to like it. They kept me protected from other things, as well; and I liked that. No, it was something else that has created ongoing affects. Though personally, the isolation of being quarantined wasn’t an issue for me, it did affect someone who I live with in an unexpected way. I actually enjoyed the fact that I didn’t have to interact with people directly. It made things difficult in some ways, but easier in others. However, the other person in my life did not react as well to it.

A little background to her. She has had a mental illness since she was very young. There had been many different treatments that she has endured. Some worked, and most didn’t. She had been stable for many, many years and everything was going great. There were a few times that she had some setbacks, but she overcame those with a little extra help. Then came along COVID. She did catch it, as did everyone else in the household. She got over it, just as well. But the isolation did something to her. Something that has been very difficult to deal with. Most people would think that once the isolation was over that all a person needs to do is get back out there and do what they used to do, and that would be the case for someone who had a somewhat normal mental health.

To say that she is still feeling the isolation is putting it mildly. For over a year, she was isolated like most of us. Isolated, as far as interacting with the world on a daily basis. She had the others in the household to interact with, but that was not enough for her. She has always been the type who wanted to go out and mix and mingle. Being isolated, trapped her in her own mind and caused her to create her own interaction within herself. These creations made her withdraw from those around her and she dwelled upon them. The deeper she got, the worse it was. To this day, she drifts in and out of those worlds she created in her mind. The lines between reality and those worlds are indistinguishable to her.

If those imaginary worlds of her mind were pleasant, it might have been easier for her to let them fade away and stay within the reality that everyone else shares, but these worlds are far from pleasant. They are filled with addictions, confrontations, abuse and even death. She was overlaying those onto the reality around her and had no idea what was real and what wasn’t. It wasn’t only scary for her, but for those around her. It made others recoil and withdraw from her, making her isolation even worsen.

It is hard to be with someone who is in such a state of mind that they want you gone, or accuse you of atrocious things that even you could not have imagined yourself doing. Yet, the following day, they are happy and remember none of what they had said or done the day before. What do you say to someone when those horrible visions are played out in front of you, through her eyes. I have tried many different approaches. I have used kindness, patience, cold logic, anger. Nothing really broke through. There had been a few times that fear had made its way through the mess of inner worlds, but it was fleeting.

When I say fear, I don’t mean the fear of physical harm. That is something I will not do. I highly doubt that would be effective. In fact, it would just validate what those inner worlds are showing her. No, the fear I am talking about is the fear of loss. Losing someone they love due to their actions and words. The threat that that someone will leave them because that someone is at their wits end and can’t live that life anymore. Though it was only a threat, there were times that I wanted to actually make good on it. The pain that is felt by it all is truly incredible. I don’t know that many can say that they have ever felt that kind of pain before. To me, it is worse than losing someone to death. It’s like that but over and over again, because the one you love is never the same and may never be again.

The stress of this way of life has taken it’s toll on my health.  My life has changed considerably and not for the better. There is so much that I want to do, but I cannot, because I need to take care of the one who is in mental pain. I wish I could just wipe all of that away for her and make everything better for her, but I can’t. That just adds to the frustration of not being able to do much for her. That feeling of inadequacy and uselessness just builds over time. It has become a sort of depression that I bear. Something that I have to deal with and overcome. I often have to pick myself up and try my hardest to remain positive, so I don’t become angered or depressed by my situation. I try to remain hopeful that one day things will get better and back to normal. I’m not sure if that day will ever come, but I want it to.

So, yes, COVID has affected me in a bad way. More than anything, I wish it never happened. I’m sure that there are others out there that have felt the unknown side effects of this. I wish them all the best to overcome this. For me, the battle still rages on. I will continue to fight it. I have to, for her sake.

New news for SWEF

Yes, I’m still alive and so is SWEF. We play about two to three times a week for several hours at a time. Everything is done online via Discord and Roll20. A big step up from the old chatrooms we used.

We had a “quick” game that was supposed to run for a couple weeks, but it lasted a month. That game just ended. We use these quick games to work out game concepts and sometimes the quick games turn into actual games, once they are completed. Meaning, if the quick game proves to be good enough, we will start a new game based on it.

My thing is that I like creating characters and playing something different every time. It lets me figure out what works for me and what doesn’t. Others are comfortable playing the same type of characters but with a different name. I think that’s fine for them, if they have fun doing that. Fun is why we play the games.

Anyway, I am down to one game a week now and I think I’ll keep it that way for a while. Real life sometimes kicks my butt if I try to add too much to it.

I hope everyone out there is having fun with their games. Just keep on rolling!

Gaming Decisions

Just so you know, it’s been a long time since I’ve made the time to post here. No excuses, just busy with other things.

Now onto this year’s post ∇

I’ve been playing video games for a while. I’m not into it so much that I’ve got it scheduled into my daily activity, but I’ll pick up a controller once in a while. Back in my day, playing video games started with the arcade craze, and then came the home consoles. I remember those days fondly. But now, the consoles have advanced so far that you get immersed into the games. VR is the latest thing, though still in its infancy, and it’s just going to get bigger.

I’ve been toying with buying a new console. I’ve been a Nintendo guy for decades and find it hard to give up on that world, but the caliber of games coming out for Playstation and XBox consoles are amazing. The new ones even catering to the newer 4K screens. All of that makes my decision so much more difficult. I’ve been reading up on all of the pros and cons that came out of E3 this year and what I read has helped a little, but very little.

I might forgo the switch to a different system and stick with what I know and that is that Nintendo has not disappointed me with entertaining choices. Plus, the Switch is portable. I wouldn’t need to be tied down to a sofa or chair to play it. I could take it anywhere. So I think I’ve made my decision and will be getting a Nintendo Switch this fall, along with some of the new games coming out.

Now only if they would give us some online content or a way to play the old games on the Switch.

Just an update (5-11-15)

I just wanted to say that I’ve been really busy with my personal and work life that I haven’t taken the time to keep this blogging thing up to date. I’m hoping, time permitting, that I will be on here more often.

At the moment, I am playing a character named James Lowerby in a Farscape based game. He started out being quite curious and open minded, but has developed into someone who is a bit reserved and cautious, due to what has happened to him. I’ll get into some of the details at a later date.

Until then, enjoy life to the fullest.


This is SWEF

Yes, SWEF is still around and plugging away.

If you’ve known SWEF in the past 20 years, you will notice it has changed quite a bit from its original inception. SWEF started out as a group of Star Wars role playing games. It is now made up of role playing games of various genres. Some are original creations and some are based on games known to the role playing world. All have been fun to play.

The players haven’t changed much. We have had players come and go, but there are several core players who have been at it for years. I commend them for their die hard love for the games and their resilience to continue playing them.

I have been toying with returning to the Game Master spot once again. Sort of like coming out of retirement. I have often ran Star Wars based games, and a few that were original creations. I’m thinking of doing another original creation, but have yet to drum out the details for it. Maybe I’ll work on that when I get some spare time. Ideas come easy for me, so the hard part is getting the players to play the game. It always boils down to keeping their interest and how their schedules change in real life.

For now, I’ll be playing out my current character in one of Grey’s games. I love playing something I am not. I’ll play alien creatures, women, little girls, dwarves, whatever it takes to make the game interesting. My current character is a teenage girl. She originated on another planet, but does not remember any of that. She has the power to transform into anything that she desires. The easiest being living creatures. At the moment, I think she is in a rut. I’m feeling the need to throw in a twist to get her back on the road to excitement. Perhaps have some sort of memory of her past creep into her life, causing her confusion and maybe interfere with her powers. Just an idea.

OK, that’s enough for now. Maybe I’ll have more to add soon. Until then, be happy and healthy.

I noticed that I needed to add something

OK, I saw that a few people have registered to this thing and figured I should give them a voice.

Please don’t SPAM this site. I know it’s not very active, but I’d still like to keep it clean.
I look forward to reading what you have to say.
Thank you.


I noticed a heck of a lot of SPAM. I asked nicely and genuinely hoped that people would be considerate enough to honor my request. I now see that will not be the case.

You can still leave comments, but they will be moderated from now on. All comments that I have recently received have been deleted. If you had a legitimate comment, please resubmit it to me. Sorry for the inconvenience that SPAMmers have caused you.

Been a long while.

I know it’s been a very long time. I just haven’t had the time to devote to this. Life gets crazy sometimes.

Given that, I’ve passed on the baton to one of our more prevalent game masters, Grey. Grey has been with SWEF for quite a number of years, and has proven that he has what it takes to keep SWEF moving forward.

Grey started out as a player in SWEF. He had his rough times, being young and inexperienced. As he grew older, he gained the respect and experience to become a game master. Since then, he has run a multitude of games in various genre. As with most games, some did better than others, but he never gave up. He continues to impress by running multiple games each week, while balancing his real life responsibilities. Not to mention, heading up the SWEF Wiki pages.

I know this seems like I’m just building him up, but none of this is untrue. He’s an exceptional GM and friend. I am proud to name him as SWEF’s new Forum Manager. I expect to see much from him in the years to come.

Thank you, Grey! Keep up the great work.

Still Getting the Hang of This

This is new to me. I’m talking about blogging. I’ve heard it is easy and I’ve also heard that it’s not. I’m guessing that I will find out.

First off, this is supposed to be all about SWEF. What is SWEF, you might ask. Well, simply put, it’s a chat based role playing group. Everything is free-form and easy to play. It costs nothing to the player, except their time.

The games played are very creative and fun. I’m not just saying this. It’s true. I’ve played the games and even ran a few. Yeah, there’s times that things are slow in the games and nothing seems to happen, but then there’s the times that just blow you away.

I could go into it more, but I’ll save that for another night. Right now, I’m trying to get this blog going. So if you get to see this, it must be working. I did get the website pointed to the blog, finally.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it turns out. Until then have fun out there.